Sleeping through the night.
How I got my 3.5 year old baby to sleep through the night.
Rocking a 16 week old back to sleep after her being up every three hours saying to myself ”it’s just a phase, she’ll outgrow this soon” should’ve been a clear indication I got a broken one. I hadn’t had a broken one before. Everything that worked with the previous babies I tried and she wasn’t interested.
Dummies – she loved it but it just became a cork out of wine bottle and once she knew you were about to close your eyes she’d POP with a bang.
Swaddles – Perfect she thought this will help turn her midnight raging body into a trapped little starfish.
Maybe she’s so use to being in my womb that she’s lonely, I thought one night. Giving her a kilo of uncooked sausages to replicate the umbilical cord wasn’t far from my twisted exhausted mind trust me. So, I thought I’ll sleep with her… until I woke to her overactive raging body under my arm struggling for air – NEVER AGAIN.
I mean what more could she want? I thought to myself as I rocked my now 10 month old baby back to sleep for the 4thtime. Surely she’s tired. She doesn’t understand how good sleep is – she’s broken.
Maybe she doesn’t like her mattress? Fine I’ll get her a new one.
Maybe she doesn’t like her room, the Feng Shui could be setting her off? I’ll move it around.
Maybe she has a milk allergy?
I started following people who would suggest sleep programs except my baby looked at me as I started to follow these programs and pretty much stuck her finger up at me.
You’re right, it’s not going to work. You’re too far gone now.
By two years old my bags could’ve been confused for blue balls. I was on anxiety medication because she made me panic that much – I couldn’t deal with the unknown.
Would I sleep tonight? Would I not? How much sleep can people survive on? How can I parent my other children?
I pretty much took out a credit card for her “sleep needs” my husband would roll his eyes and say to me “You’ll buy anything that says the words will help sleep wouldn’t you?”
“No of course not” I would reply.
As I tucked my daughter into her new allergy free, dust mite proof pillow mattress and put her beautiful heavy blanket, whilst I press white noise teddies and roll down her block out curtains and making sure I apply her oils and turn her soft brothel red light on as I spray just a little but not too much “sleep mist” over our pinging yet subtle tired toddler.
I spent hundreds most likely more on things that grabbed my attention just like my title. We’re weak, tired and our broken non sleeping babies are actually calling the shots in our life. People would say things to me like she’ll sleep when she’s ready and you’ll miss her wake ups soon enough…. I can assure you we are 12 weeks down with sleeping through the night and I have NOT MISSED ONE WAKE UP OR ONE MIDNIGHT CUDDLE.
I know awful, but honest.
How did we do it?
I went to the doctor when she was three and a half and cried in his chair holding her sobbing “She’s still broken. I can’t keep doing this” he then decided yes in fact she was broken and prescribed us some lovely sleepy stuff for a period of time because not only did my “it’s just a phase” broken newborn now toddler child did not only not sleep through the night she in fact DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO…… like WTactualF who doesn’t know how to sleep?
How does one get created from sperm and my perfectly formed egg produce a specimen that doesn’t sleep – it was definitely in his sperm.
Apparently, my wall kicking high pitching yelling “I DON’T WANT TO GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP, I'M NOT YOUR MATE” (yep she actually yelled that to me at 2am once) midnight room cleaner and often snacker didn’t produce the hormone that helps you sleep. Because she never slept longer than 3 / 4 hour blocks her body didn’t put her into a deep sleep.
So that’s the end.
No light, oil, bear, doll, blanket, pillow, bathing product, drinking product, moisturiser cream, body spray or warm drinks. Just a doctor who’d listen and understood.
PS A doctor wouldn’t agree your baby is broken until well over a certain age. I don’t even know what that age would be…..
PPS SLEEP IS GOOD. SLEEP IS LIFE. GIVE BABY TO SOMEONE FOR A SLEEPOVER.