• Mel Watts

Small Goals - fixing the issue.

Part one.

In 2018 I felt uncomfortable, unhappy and riddled with anxiety. I had spent months battling terrible anxiety which I wasn't afraid to share with the people who followed my page. It was a constant rollercoaster until it stopped peaking and going back down, it just remained peaked.

I was living in what I call a peak. Loaded on gastro stop, anti nausea and sleeping tablets. Lets be honest none of which are healthy or make a good habit. I couldn't leave my house because I'd feel sick and need the toilet, If I did leave I'd feel constantly nauseous and I couldn't sleep because my brain was writing and re writing my will. It was taking over my life and my family coped it. I started to become aware of how bad it was getting when I started writing about it in my notebook. I look back at it now and think of how lonely and overwhelmed I felt, so defeated and absolutely at a loss of what I was going to do with myself. How can I raise children like this? How can I be an amazing wife like this? Over and over again.

Small back story: I've had anxiety for as long as I could recall. I have vivd memories that can trigger it, I have smells that trigger it and I have noises that can trigger it. I recall being known as a sensitive child, often crying. My parents would encourage me to do things to help me stop being so sensitive. I did Scouts for a couple of years which I loved but I was relentlessly teased for it so I quit. Through puberty it eased and I had an amazing teenage life, once I had babies it crept back in.

So I made goals for myself in May 2018. A little late i know, but better late than never.

Get on top of my anxiety.Get on top of my anxiety.Get on top of my anxiety.

This involved me to remain focused on my mind. I stopped writing many blogs, I stopped making youtube videos. I said NO to everything and I generally stopped doing what I loved - writing and producing content for The Modern Mumma. I felt that if I removed this that it would allow me to heal a little more. I guess you could say being a large account can be overwhelming at times, and I love it but it also has it down parts. Instead of me focusing on the hundreds of good things written to me, about me. I would become extremely down and use all my energy focusing on the negative things written about myself. So by removing this it stopped one part.

Unfortunately as many watched along my anxiety couldn't be cured by Chinese medicine, healing foods, acupuncture, counselling, mediation and tonnes of other things. Things like Hypnotherapy took the edge off but I still lived with it. I took the just and got medication for my anxiety. It was a huge leap for me, but one I'm so happy I did. For the first week I felt depressed, nauseated and just run down. I called my doctor and explained my symptoms and he said just ride it out, so I did. The reality is that there are hundreds of medications on the market and that it's not often the case that one will fix you, often you'll have to endure weeks of luckiness to find the right one. Once it started working I felt as though I was living the life I always wanted. I could go to kmart, out for dinner, to the movies, to Sydney, for meetings, take my children to their performances. All of the things I couldn't do, or if I did i was medicated. I even went to Melbourne by myself and had the best time enjoying my own company, sounds weird I know. My body felt at ease, I could process how I felt. My body could tell the difference between excitement and anxiety. I haven't felt that in years!

I ticked my first goal, well so I thought. The best thing about having a clear mind and one that isn't constantly trying to tell you the bad things is that you make new goals.

Now Sonny has woken I'll do other parts to this in a small series of blogs.

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©2019 by mel watts